Before I start, the story of my eldest child, Tegan, has to be included to understand the dynamics of my second birth. I had Tegan in September of 2012, and the birth was far from what I imagined. I was seeing care at the Phoenix Indian Hospital, which is staffed by midwives. It is extremely breastfeeding friendly, and even had a laboring pool. The staff was always supportive of my wish to have a natural birth. On September 13th, a perfect 40 weeks, I went in for my prenatal appointment. Tegan had turned breech, and the midwife was very concerned. I was young, a first time mother, and scared. They sent me to the OB where the measured my fluid, and told me there was no way to move this baby, and that if I were to even attempt to go into labor the chances of complications (namely cerebral palsy was brought up multiple times) would sky rocket. I wasn't even in labor. I never got to experience anything pertaining to it. To make a long story short, I was scheduled for a c section immediately.
I won't go into too much details of it all, but I always weep when I remember her coming out. Her cry. And what felt like the hours it took for me to hold her. I cried out, "My baby, my baby." I just wanted to hold her. Nick was able to do skin to skin as they sewed me up, and I just yearned for my baby. I felt incomplete. I felt wronged immediately.
It was soon I found BWF, and that I was no alone in my feelings.
When Tegan turned one, I felt I was ready. This time I was prepared, educated, and ready. We got pregnant almost immediately. We chose to do a homebirth. I was never one for doctors, but my delivery of Tegan really solidified that for normal pregnancies and birth, I wanted nothing to do with a doctor. I found a really amazing midwife. She was calm, friendly, and I felt she got me and my nervous anxiety. I also found a really amazing Doula because I knew I would need all the help I could get.
The pregnancy was going swimmingly. Nothing of concern, nothing abnormal. But my due date was fast approaching. At 38 weeks, something felt odd. Really odd. I knew that baby wasn't head down anymore. Fear struck, my anxiety went through the roof. We took a ultrasound and sure enough, baby was transverse. I cried. I knew what this meant. This meant no absolute way I would even be able to deliver vaginally. I cried some more. I went and I bought peppermint oil to apply to my baby and I did every spinning babies technique over and over again.
Still transverse. Nick and I talked long and hard, weighed our options. I felt that a external was too risky. I did decide I would still give baby time until we scheduled the c section. Then, a few days later, baby turned head down again! I was so relieved. But I was worried. I was getting pressured to be induced in order to deliver in favorable position. But after some rough emotions and mountains, I decided to let my body take charge and trust in it. The stress was intense. I felt I needed my vbac to move on, to heal. It was an extremely turbulent time.
Then, it became a matter of time. 42 weeks was rapidly approaching. I knew I would probably go over my date; but now it seems like even if I was able to give birth vaginally, I wouldn't be giving birth in my home as I could not legally go over 42 weeks. We discussed natural induction methods. Nick said something really funny at my appointment about the dates being wrong because he remembered a different due date. I went back and looked at my original post with my EDD. We had it wrong. But we had my last menses right! I was only 40 weeks! I had given the wrong date to my midwife! I was measuring big too, so we would have never suspected. But as relieved that our home birth was on the table, how frustrating to know WE WERE STILL WAITING! Can you imagine??? Lol.
By now, both husband and I were emotionally exhausted. I didn't know how to prepare for birth still as I felt I had been rung through. And yes, another week and a half went by and that 42 week stress approached again. Finally, two days shy of 42 weeks I decided to take castor oil in order to induce.
I took the castor oil with ice cream and orange juice, and it was not so bad. HOURS went by, and I hadn't even had diarrhea. It wasn't working. I was so frustrated. I told my midwife and I started to just feel defeated. I went to the bathroom around 11am, and when I stood up,
I felt a gush. But not a huge one. But a gush. I wasn't expecting my water to break as my first sign of labor. I called my midwife excited, but also worried it was just pee. But during my conversation, more came involuntary. It was my waters!!! Oh man was I so happy. And then, the contractions hit.
Oh, the contractions. I immediately was put on my knees, and over my ball. They were so intense. We tried measuring them, they were always short but always 1 minute apart. Finally only two hours in, I asked my birth team to come. I felt bad because we all were expecting me to have a very long birth, and here I was already calling the troops in. They of course did not mind, and instead came in with arms wide open to me. They prepared a soothing space for me and jumped right in helping me cope. Almost immediate I started to go into the shower as the water provided much needed relief.
My fantastic doula rubbed some essential oils on my back and it was so helpful. However, soon after I knew I needed to vomit. Thank goodness I was in the shower! My midwife reassured me that it was good-throwing up was the equivalent of 10 contractions!
From then, time was a blur. My contractions were so intense, and only 1 minute apart the entire time. I felt like I wasn't getting a break. I wanted to rest. I couldn't be in any position but hands and knees. I tried peeing on the toilet but the sitting position was excruciating. I ended asking for a towel and peed on it on my hands and knees! And soon after that, my bloody show came. I remember I got one contraction so bad, I "ran" on the bed and my midwife joked I couldn't run away from the pain! I needed to embrace it! (She was right of course!)
Well, we were only about 5.5 hours in from my water breaking. All of a sudden, I felt the need to push. I told my midwife. I was a little scared, because like I said we were expecting a long labor due to the fact I was a vbac and it was my first real labor. She checked me. I was fully dilated and ready to go!
We hadn't even set up the pool. They asked if I just wanted to go without it, but I felt I needed it. Nick hurried up to attached the hose to fill it up, and guess what? It was the wrong attachment. They told me I would have to go without it. HECK NO!
Instead, our bathtub is so large and deep I told them to fill up the tub instead. Like a eagle, Nick swooped and cleaned it up (We had the hose in their!), and started filling it up. I got in and started pushing.
Nick was sitting on the ledge and I put my face into him. I remember thinking, it is almost time. You got this.
And I pushed. I didn't scream, yell, but instead let out this super primal growl. I distinctly remember how deep it came from within, how powerful my pushes felt. I felt like a warrior. After a few pushes, she started to crown. I took my hands and felt her. It was amazing. I felt amazing. A few short pushes and she was coming. I stood up to grab her, and my midwife helped untangle her.
I had her!! Oh my god I had her. She cried, but was so quiet. She was so perfect. She just looked at me, she was so peaceful and happy. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. The start differences rang in my head. This was birth. This was a baby not torn away from their mother. The peace was astounding. Tegan came in and we introduced them.
From start to finish, it was only a 7 hour labor. We went to our bed where we delivered the placenta. I remember telling my midwife, no more pain!! Haha, I was wrong. What was amazing is during it all I was able to have Penny right by me, holding her in my arms. She never left me, which was so beneficial for the both of us.
The homebirth was amazing because I never left the comfort of my home. I was able to do as I please, and relax.
We knew Penny was big, but she weighed in huge. 22 inches, 15 inch head, and a whopping 10lbs 4oz. No perineum tearing, a small internal tear was all I had. I contribute my weeks of oil and stretching I did starting at 36 weeks.
My birth team did all the clean up, and we were all able to curl up in bed as a family and fall asleep. I have to give the upmost credit and love to my Birth Team, Caitlyn Laney and Amy Webster. They were my rocks, and I don't think I could have done it without them. They facilitated all my wishes and dreams, and gave me healing I so desperately needed.
Thank you for reading <3
